How do I feel?
To be honest? The same as before. Well at least I don’t notice any changes yet, but it was just the first week.
I actually had a rather hard time focusing during the meditations. I was constantly talking to myself, thinking about blog post or all the other stuff I had to do. I think the maximum amount of time I managed to just focus on my breathing and posture was about 1min.
Surprisingly easy was getting into the right posture. After about one minute I was sitting according to the 7-points posture and everybody part was relaxed. At least this did work.
Did I meditate 10 minutes?
Well to be honest I started getting fidgety after about 8 minutes. So twice I had to stop before my 10 minutes where up. I just couldn’t concentrate any longer.
This is going to be hard work for me.
What about my Mantra?
I picked “Shine Bright” as my Mantra. Somehow when I thought about confidence I always had this radiating light in my head. But I forgot about my Mantra most of the time. The last two days I was finally getting the hang of it and repeating it more often. I slowly get used to just telling me one thing over and over, but it doesn’t feel quite right yet.
Maybe because it’s English? I think I will try a Mantra in my mother language this week and see if that works better for me.
I actually noticed that I like my doubts. I am actually quite confident and whenever I have doubts, they are like a warning sign, forcing me to over think what I am doing. This way I don’t just do stupid stuff, but just things I am really standing behind.
The Mantra itself didn’t really help me with my doubts, because I noticed I already have a huge list of Mantras I am telling myself whenever I start doubting me and my decisions. So it was just one more on a list.
Some of them are: I don’t have to be like everybody, I can do everything, if I work hard enough, I am strong, but it’s ok to be weak from time to time, I don’t have to prove myself, keep going and so on…
The bottom line is…
The meditation themselves felt good, but getting myself to sit down is still a huge struggle.
I am still a bit skeptical about the whole mantra thing, but keep on doing it.
After all this is just the first week, I can’t expect any huge transformations. This is one step at a time. Let’s see how the next week goes.