To all the bullies out there, you didn’t succeed and to the wonders of martial arts, I lost my heart to you.
This is a very personal post for me, but I hope it helps you to understand, why martial arts are so very important for me and how they helped me to live my life to the fullest.
This is to inspire you to go out there and make your biggest
weakness to your strongest asset.
My story starts way back. School can be rough on kids, especially when you are different from the others. Even worse when you can’t do anything against being different.
I was to tall for a girl (luckily stopped growing with 14), had ridiculous curly hair, that just did what it wanted and a slightly weird accent (rrrrroling the arrrrrr’s 😉 )
AND I have a funny way to walk. My hip is slightly tilted forwards, which leads to me having knock knees (can I say it like that? Hope you get what I mean xD ).
I tried everything. Special shoes, walking training and my parents even considered an operation, but it would have more likely made it worse instead of better, so that wasn’t an option either.
Basically I am walking completely normal(shaking my butt is natural for me, if I want to or not) till you look down on my knees.
It is not one of these really bad cases, but people still do notice it.
So I had people making fun of me in school and complete strangers imitating the way I walk, even till now.
I went to the movies with my mother two years ago and two teenage girls thought it was funny to copy my walk and tell me to learn how to walk properly. While I shrugged it off ( just the usual) my mother was shocked. She just couldn’t believe it.
There were days when I didn’t even want to go to school and my mother had to literally kick me out of the house. At some point I became very good at putting a poker face on.
When I was 15 I learned not to react anymore, which was a huge challenge for a girl with my temper. Nevertheless every stupid comment hurt and it made me hate myself.
I hated the way I looked and the fact that I would never be able to walk like any of the models (little girls dream big). There was a time I was just wearing heels, simply because when walking in heels I was walking more straight.
At some point you learn to live with it, but I still wasn’t able to love myself.
If people told me I was pretty, I was waiting for the “but”. I couldn’t just say thanks, because I was very leery of others.
I started to build this big wall of ice around me and I changed. Not so much left from the open, outgoing girl anymore. I am working hard right now to get her back.
After Highschool, I decided to challenge myself and to go to China to train Wushu. I already did some martial arts before, but never got any good, because the school was hard to reach and Karate just wasn’t really my thing, that’s why I always wanted to try Wushu (If you are wondering what is Wushu, check this).
Wushu is a bit like dancing, but very effectively. It is beautiful but dangerous.
And it helped me to love. To love the way I walk and move and to finally love myself.
It was funny, the thing that always dragged me down, suddenly helped me.
I was able to lift my legs higher than the others beginning at the same time, not because I was not necessarily more flexible, but simply because my hips were in a different position.
I could get lower into the stances and while everybody was exhausted after training the classical Wing Chun stance, I could have just kept going the whole day. (The Classic Stance is the knees slightly bend and turned inwards to protect the groin from kicks.
The most I loved Wudang. Our trainer showed me some of the stances and I was delighted. Yep just turn the front foot inside, ALL the way. I was having a blast. Here I was suddenly better than others, just because of my legs.
And that’s when a little light went on.
There is something special about all of us. Something that makes us different from the others. Some things are more obvious, like my legs, others less obvious.
We either can feel sad because we are not what others expect from us, or we can embrace it and figure out how to turn it into our advantage.
I needed to go to China to realize it. I am special and I love myself for being this way.
Martial Arts taught me my most important life lesson. With every little training success I became more and more confident in myself and my legs. I noticed when sparring I have a little advantage, because I am able to do things nobody expects, yeah I love seeing surprised faces 😀
And I noticed the whole pushing and trying to walk straight, actually doesn’t do me any good, because when trying to be like the others, I don’t have any balance at all, but if I turn the tip of my foot slightly inward, you won’t be able to
push me over.
Trying to change actually makes me weaker.
I don’t want to be weak ever again and I don’t want to give others the right to tell me how I am supposed to be.
Nowadays I laugh when people make fun of me, because I just imagine how easy it would be to simply lift the leg and kick them against their dumb heads.
Not that I will ever do that, but knowing that I am able to, partially simply because of my weird legs makes me feel extremely satisfied.
In the end I have to say thanks to everybody telling me to walk proper or those that copied me.
Thanks to you I learned not to break, but to bent, learned to love every little bit of myself, because I know what I can and who I am, how to let go of people hurting me, because they lost their right to be around me and finally that a weakness always can be turned in a strength.
I pity you dear bully, because if you feel the need to make fun of others, you must be really insecure yourself.
If bullying others is the only way for you to feel good, feel free to use me as your target. If this lightens your day, I am gladly your victim, simply because you can’t hurt me anymore and I am always glad to help out.
Just keep in mind that out there, some are maybe less peaceful then me (this is thanks to martial arts too, but more later) and the boy/girl you are making fun of might be able to kick right up to your head.
But my last words go to Wushu.
Nothing has ever felt so absolutly right, then training Wushu.
You made me confident and proud at myself. You taught me to be humble and patient. How to take one step at a time and how to be simply happy and living in the moment. I didn’t take you serious until I was back in Germany and noticed what I have lost.
I knew I had to go back and study. I am supposed to be a good daughter, following what society and family are expecting of me.
When seeing TV-Documentations about China or Wushu I started crying. There was suddenly this big hole, that couldn’t be filled. At some point I didn’t even try to adept and find new friends or find a good martial art school in Cologne, that suited my needs. I just gave in to the feeling of loss.
I fell back into old habits and lost myself all over again.
I don’t want to go on like this anymore.
Wushu changed my life and I am not going to let it go again.
I learned how to love my legs, now I have to live the life I love, too.
I won’t make the same mistake, I made with accepting my looks and let society dictate, that being different is wrong and one has to adept. I have to turn this passion into my strenght. I won’t listen to the pressuring and bullying of others anymore. I won’t let that happen again.
This is why I can’t wait to be back training soon, just a couple more months.
I found my path with training martial arts and I will follow it.
Let’s see where it will lead me.
But that’s enough about me. I hope you do get the the idea of how important it is to figure out what your passions and strenght are and that you have to start loving yourself, before you can live your life to the fullest.
Have you made some experience like this yourself? Where it just made click and everything went into the right place. Or situations where you had to overcome obstacles or the hurting words of other people?
Feel free to share your story if you want to and help me to show other people that it is possible to overcome anything.
Feel loved and have a wonderful day =)